Why People Hate Your Emails | How To Stop Sucking At Email

I don’t know why so many people can’t figure out email. Most businesses revolve around email use. Even our personal lives are built around email. You need an active email if you want to buy Uggs on Amazon. Everyone uses email. The problem is, most people use it super obnoxiously wrong. Bad emailers, like MLM sales people, are damn near everywhere these days. Bad emailing skills are so pervasive that we almost need a course on email skills. Or at the very list, one of those electric wrist bands that shocks people for making bad email mistakes.

When you screw up email, you ruin people’s lives. And you alienate yourself from the herd. You become the person who will be forever thought of as the person who can’t properly participate in email. Suddenly, you are getting postal mail letters again because the group no longer trust sending you an email. Imagine having the check the mail daily again. What an asburd inconvenience that would be.

But you can control you own destiny here. You can save yourself by not participating in crappy email mistakes. The formula is simple, just know a few solid rules and you should be golden.

 

Don’t Reply All ALL THE TIME
//giphy.com/embed/HteV6g0QTNxp6

 

I don’t know why this is still an issue for people, but it is. I guess people still don’t know how to competently use an Apple TV yet and that’s been around for a really long time also, so I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. When you reply all to an email, unless you know everyone wants to partake in an email chain, you destroy lives. And you become someone that is looked down upon, much like an Amway sales person or a Scientologist. And you can never not be that person ever again. People will see you decades later working at some children’s hospital, using a cane to get around, and think, “oh, there’s the a#$clown who tragically replied all to an email about the new coke machine in the break room being broken.”

Your pretty much spoiled meat at that point, you can never be in a group setting again without people worrying if you are going to expose them to dangerous toxins and intestinal damage.

Stop Copying The World
//giphy.com/embed/RD1q3yvGhMMKc

 

Learn to use BCC. That means Blind Carbon Copy, at least I think that’s what it stands for. More or less it stands for you not being an email jackass. When you disclose 40 people on a copy, you leave open the opportunity for a massive reply all festival. Additionally, you give away people’s contact information. Imagine poor Rebecca who works as a sales representative for company A, she’s been trying to avoid Bob’s slimy come on’s for two years. And now Bob, who you through on a regular copy, has her email. What do you think Bob’s going to do with his newfound discovery? Probably find Rebecca on Facebook. After that? Rebecca either is eternally annoyed by Bob, or Bob eventually turns Rebecca into a lampshade.

Keep people’s info private by hitting the BCC button when you decide to email a group. Sure, if you know everyone on the list, it is fine. But if you are sending out new PR, don’t ruin it with a tragic copy situation.

Don’t Write Novels
//giphy.com/embed/JIX9t2j0ZTN9S

 

Hemmingway is amazing, just not as an email. If you want to write long strings of words, do it in a notebook and then show up at your local coffee shop for spoken word or poetry night. Wear a fedora. But don’t do it over email. People’s time is money. And for those people who are broke and don’t fall into the ‘time is money category,’ you make their poverty 20 times worse by exposing them to long emails.

Long emails are narcissistic. Usually the writer of the email is just trying to sound smart. Most people won’t even read these emails, so really it is impossible to know whether you made anyone suddenly feel you are smart. What is possible to know is that people will hate you on the same level they hate finding raisins inside of cinnamon roles. It is a horrible surprise and ruins their day. Don’t ruin days.

If you can’t help but write long emails, then write them as a draft and then go back and select all the things which are trivial and delete them. This will be everything but two sentences. If you are left with 3 sentences, go back and delete one more sentence. This should be the safest possible precaution.

In the end, email isn’t difficult. If you needed to read this, you should already be concerned for your livelhood. I can’t imagine the obstacle your days must typically encounter that challenge you, such as opening doors, pooping and drinking fluids. All the same, I sure hope this helps.

The post Why People Hate Your Emails | How To Stop Sucking At Email appeared first on Check Writing, Document Printing and Mailing.

from Check Writing, Document Printing and Mailing https://www.checkissuing.com/2017/03/why-people-hate-your-emails-how-to-stop-sucking-at-email/
via CheckIssuing.com

People That Make Trade Shows Suck

Trade Shows can sure be a beast. They suck the life out of you, let’s be honest. Booking hotels, paying for dinners, buying some stupid candle holder with a picture of the Vegas skyline on it, all cost much money. And no one likes spending money. Unless that money is spent on building your own private llama farm. Then that’s money well-spent and it felt darn good.

Otherwise, trade shows can sure be for the birds. But what makes every trade show worse? Some of these people and things:

Business Card Guy
//giphy.com/embed/l2JeeXP3cMJtv81nq

 

This is the guy that gives you a business card every time you see them during the trade show. And if it is a different trade show, they likely give you a new business card because they probably changed jobs. I know, I said “guys,” but I never seem to experience this with girls. Girls seem to have more common sense to not overload me with business cards.

Tip: Get one really amazing business card made. Hand it out to each person you meet once.

Drunk Clown
//giphy.com/embed/3orifdkBqmt3SOVz2w

 

Trade shows can be amazing fun. There are often lots of free open bars. And open bars are fun because they have free booze and who the heck doesn’t enjoy some free booze? The problem enters into the equation when the free booze turn you into Nick Cage in Leaving Las Vegas.

Look, I get it. You’ve spent months holed up in a winter ice lodge you call Cleveland, buried in kiddy cheese pizza parties so this is your time to get out and live a little. That’s fine. But maybe eat something before you fuel your body with 8 martini’s worth of shots. Slow and steady wins the game. You don’t want to be ass-up in a Venetian hallway at 4pm. People tend to take pictures of that stuff and put it on Instagram and make fun of you. Or they rob you.

Transparent Marketer
//giphy.com/embed/DJLUspp4Eh7Qk

 

You tell me I’m good looking. I love it. You tell me I’m one of the smartest people you’ve ever met. I love it. Actually, I know you are bullshitting me and just trying to friend me up so that I do business with you.

Look, we all get it. Friending up is part of the game, but at least try to seem sincere. I can’t be the coolest person you know in every way possible. I am not even the coolest person I know. And I’m me. So consider that. Experienced trade show peeps can sniff out someone who isn’t being legit. It is possible to be friends with someone and also do business with them.

The Facebook Business Name Person: When you add me on Facebook from the trade show and your Facebook profile name is Juan TrafficMasters, expect a solid decline. Or at the very least, a firm ignore. I know you have to have a real Facebook with REAL FRIENDS somewhere and that this one is the one you plan to use to spam constantly.

No thanks.

Tradeshows really shouldn’t be this complicated, folks.

The post People That Make Trade Shows Suck appeared first on Check Writing, Document Printing and Mailings.

from Check Writing, Document Printing and Mailings https://www.checkissuing.com/2017/03/people-that-make-trade-shows-suck/
via CheckIssuing.com

Winter Haters, Be Warned, You Might Be Serial Killers

You live in Arizona or California, or even Florida. You are proud of your state. You love the weather, particularly right now when it is a bit more tamed down and moderate in temperature. Florida is a little less humid while still being warm. Arizona is a bit less sweltering while still being warm.

You aren’t shoveling snow. But the rest of us are shoveling your douchery on Facebook. The annoying daily posts about how you live in a warm state and the rest of us live in a state that abides by the earth’s axis and relationship with the sun is truly annoying. I’d rather it snow for days on my naked body if it meant not seeing another dumby Floridian posts again.

Here are a few notes for all of you to consider.

No One Cares As Much As You Think
//giphy.com/embed/3o7budGEb8Y2MMUhB6

Not everyone hates winter as much as you project them to hate it. Many people enjoy the seasons and find your babbling posts to be unrelatable. For many, winter is a time of beauty. White Christmases. Yes, snow can suck, but not as much as people going on and on about warm weather suck.

We get it. You live in a place that has warm weather in the winter. But you also live in a place that has sandstorms (WTF), killer pythons (WTF WTF), ground that opens up and swallows communities whole (WTF WTF WTF). At least that cold Iowa ground is stitched together tightly. Seriously, I’d rather live anywhere than a place that has prehistoric creatures lurking in some inhospitable swamp just beyond my backyard. When they use your neighborhood to film Naked And Afraid, you don’t have room to talk about sunny and 80.

People Are Counting Money While You’re Posting Weather App Screenshots
//giphy.com/embed/l0Ex6kAKAoFRsFh6M

While someone was shoveling their sidewalk and garage door area, you were posting a screencap of California’s sunny and 78 degree day on Facebook. But it should be noted, you don’t have a sidewalk or garage or a yard or even a place to let your dog poop that’s not made of pavement or astroturf. People that take on winter have a much lower cost of living, but posting a picture of their mortgage payment would be wildly inappropriate.

A martini in Los Angeles cost the same as the tax on a Toyota Corolla in Nebraska.

Your Immunity From Condemnation Is Noted and Reviled
//giphy.com/embed/f05j5QHDcWQKY

So you live in California and you posted about how you went to the beach on Christmas and for New Year’s Eve, you booked a patio at some vegan restaurant. You were laughed at the expense of those who were putting chains on their tires and shoveling their sidewalk.

But you’ve got immunity when you crap goes bad. When California has fires, it isn’t as if everyone in Ohio can post “I just love going outside and not having ash rain down on me!” Or, after an earthquake, “ah, laying out on this stable ground by a pool!” Yeah, everyone else has immunity and the cold weather states aren’t allowed to return the hostility. It’s kind of a punk move, really. But don’t think all us cold weather folks aren’t taking notes.

People Who Hate Snowmen Might Be Serial Killers
//giphy.com/embed/cbnKVJSXbCuL6

I’m not sure that I can prove my theory, but I’m super suspicious. Who doesn’t love building snowmen? Isn’t that something most of us are born with as a part of our inner-child? When you hate snowmen, you are evil.

So yes, you might be evil. So how does that feel?

Stop being haters, people. We love our winter time. We love our snow and ice (ok, we don’t love ice, but you get the idea). We also fund your Disney Lands and Worlds every January so don’t piss us off too much!

The post Winter Haters, Be Warned, You Might Be Serial Killers appeared first on Check Writing, Document Printing and Mailings.

from Check Writing, Document Printing and Mailings https://www.checkissuing.com/2017/03/winter-haters-be-warned-you-might-be-serial-killers/
via CheckIssuing.com

These People Make Meetings Suck

Meetings are the epitome of time-waste. Most meetings accomplish about as much as a hamster spinning in a wheel. But there are certain types of people who make a bad situation totally worse.

These are the people in meetings who drive me absolutely nuts.

Know any?

The Meeting Prompter

//giphy.com/embed/26xBCASzq1xNJGZJ6

 

This is the person who loves meetings. Probably because they are super bored from accomplishing nothing all day. You can only refresh that Facebook screen so many times until its the same political argument corking the top. They love to suggest more meetings.

“I mean, we should just meet about this again separately.”

Meetings are their fuel. Meetings are their link to company relevance. When you don’t actually DO THINGS, meetings are a perfect getaway.

 

The Mindnumbing Asskisser

//giphy.com/embed/xUPOqDiaxsmDQ2TWLe

 

Meetings are tough enough to get through, but nothing makes them worse than that moment the department dirtbag starts babbling about nothingness. Talking just to be noted as talking by management. And most times managers just love this stuff. They consider it enthusiasm. But really it is just nauseating. Almost always these people babble on about things that end up being tasked to other, more competent people who usually are busy with other things.

 

The Cologne Guy

//giphy.com/embed/9y9JBG2QrzwEU

 

Usually, from accounting, this guy stinks of cheap outlet mall cologne. The smell is familiar as you’ve been in his office before and felt the napalm leaking into your nostrils before. Sitting by him is like having rusty nails trapped inside of your sinuses. At times, it feels as though you will suffocate. When he speaks or makes sudden movements, you die a little.

 

The Distractor

//giphy.com/embed/l0Nwu9N7s5fWlpLIk

 

This might be the worst one of them all. This person diverts attention away from their own incompetence to other people. This allows them to get out of having to answer to their own futility.

“Jim, how’s that report coming along.”

“It’s stalled, still waiting on Jan to send me correct numbers regarding how many employees work in our Blogging department so I can calculate the financial side of things.”

“Jim, only one person works in that department, you walk by her daily.”

“So Jan let me know when you find time to send me the appropriate numbers so that I may complete this pending task.”

Jim is a 100% buffoon. But he’s also a thorn in your side.

 

The Prop Person

//giphy.com/embed/3oz8xXZ3wMQ01ZrprW

 

Meetings are often worsened by props. There is nothing worse than someone who brings in a Powerpoint presentation for something totally innane.

“Ok, to make this easier, I made a 15 slide Powerpoint presentation over today’s topic, Fixing the Keurig Machine.”

Holy smokes. This person is also kissing the proverbial ass as well.

 

Unfortunately, I have no good advice for you other than to swallow painkillers before walking into the conference room.

The post These People Make Meetings Suck appeared first on Check Writing, Document Printing and Mailings.

from Check Writing, Document Printing and Mailings https://www.checkissuing.com/2017/02/24/people-make-meetings-suck/
via CheckIssuing.com

How Southwest Airlines Is Really Satan’s Portal

Flying. Boy can it suck. But unless you are somehow able to travel thousands of miles across oceans and time zones using a really killer skateboard, you best figure out how to get along with the airline industry. Going to the airport is a similar experience to playing chess in a burning building, it is complicated and you only have so much time until you are totally screwed.

One of the most popular airlines is SouthWest Airlines. And for good reason, they have lots of commercials on TV. Their commercials are energetic and fun. They make it seem as though if you fly on their planes, your airline experience will be totally different. Look, they don’t claim to remove the TSA wand from your armpits and underwear, but they do claim to offer their passengers a more, trendy, experience.

And that’s all true, until, you arrive at their boarding gate. That’s where the commercial ends and the hell-herd begins. The departing gate area of SouthWest Airlines looks like a goat herding pasture.

Why?

No assigned seats

//giphy.com/embed/DAr4ia0LxTyBa

 

Southwest Airlines claim to fame, no assigned seating, is also their biggest flaw. Because you have to line up to board the plane, you have tons of anxious annoying people pushing and shoving their way into assigned line spaces. On a normal airline, you get to sit down and chill and wait for them to call you boarding group. Then you enter the plane and go to your seat. Your seat is your seat. Don’t like it? Put your butt down in the seat anyways or beg an old person to switch.

On Southwest, you are stuck standing for 10 minutes prior to boarding, when you could have been sitting the entire time. Of course, you can sit in the SWA line if you so please, but expect to have some guy’s jock smashing against your face.

People also tend to disturb you because they have to ask you what number you are so they can figure out if they are ahead of you. The last thing an airport should do is give more reasons for strangers to bother one another. I’m already pissed, please don’t make it worse by encouraging some lady in sweatpants with a ginormous purse to bug me while I have on headphones and music.

Once you board the plane, the travesty continues. Everyone avoids middle seats, so once those are the only ones left, people start stalling. Some people get stuck in the back because they walk all the way to the back looking for a better seat only to get turned back upstream, which creates further gridlock. Other people are guarding middle seats, pretending someone is seated in them, because they want their middle seat left empty so they don’t have to sit by other humans. I GET IT. But it does create a mess.

If that isn’t enough, SWA is too lazy to even tag your bags.

Tagging Your Own Bags

//giphy.com/embed/3o7TKFy1gaoy1JNqZG

 

Yep, when you do self-checkin at SWA, you print your bag tags and have to tag your own bags. This means tons of confused people, or people that tagged them wrong (yep, this happens) forcing SWA employees to retag them. Its a truly ugly scene. It reminds me of the Red Wedding from Game Of Thrones. I don’t work for the airport. I don’t know how to tag my own bags. I keep waiting for them to ask me to fly the plane.

Playing games

//giphy.com/embed/tSUVOBII8y6TC

 

Flying on SWA means playing games. I have no idea who told any of these stewards or stewardess that playing games is fun, but they were sorely mistaken. I just want to put on my headphones and try to forget that I am flying. I do not want to see how far back we can get a toilet paper role to go. I always get booed when the toilet paper falls on my shoes because I refuse to participate. Um, I don’t want to touch toilet paper. Where did they get the toilet paper? Does no one ever feel the need to ask?

I’m all for fun on flights, but let’s make that fun things more centered around taking off on time and landing without the landing gear failing. That sounds fun to me.

The post How Southwest Airlines Is Really Satan’s Portal appeared first on Check Writing, Document Printing and Mailings.

from Check Writing, Document Printing and Mailings https://www.checkissuing.com/2017/02/14/how-southwest-airlines-is-really-satans-portal/
via CheckIssuing.com

How To Work Squat At Starbucks Like A Boss

I work a lot at Starbucks. For some reason, I really enjoy the comfort of those brown chairs they have. And Starbucks won’t tell anyone where the heck someone could buy those chairs (I guess for them, it’s the hook). But if you want to squat at Starbucks and use it as a cheap office, expect to have to navigate some pretty annoying things.

Here’s some helpful tips.

You Need An Outlet

//giphy.com/embed/l2JJDSSj0SA1OYP4s

 

Power is everything if you intend upon working from Starbucks. A few hours in and all your technology will fail without Benjamin Franklin’s juice surging. Most Starbucks have a few positions which offer power. If you are in a new Starbucks, they tend to have power outlets all over. If you are in an old one, you might be SOL.

Most commonly, a Starbucks troll will be occupying a seat near a power outlet. These people are like the most inconvenient rashes mankind has ever invented. I’m kidding, these folks don’t even know they are blocking the mothership from fueling up. They have no idea why sharks are circling them while they drink a Frappucino and text mom.

The solution, and yes, you are going to hate this, is to talk to them. I know, there is nothing worse than interacting with other humans at Starbucks, but unless you want to get that low battery indicator alert on your Macbook Pro while replying to an email from China, you might want to pony up some sweet communications.

Remember, that person is going to hate you for talking to them just as well. We all pretty much hate each other. But so long as you are nice, they are likely to just want you to go away enough to move somewhere else so that you can attach back to the electrical grid and become one with society again.

You Sit By A Sneezer

//giphy.com/embed/3o7TKQsToxwqLHzP8c

 

Germs are pretty much a side-dish at Starbucks. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve sat down for some old fashioned productivity only to have some person start sneezing up a storm. My first instinct is to hand them a tissue, ask them if they are OK, and them mace them. The problem with that is, however, it’s illegal (the mace, not the tissue – tissue is legal).

The solution here is to either live, or choose death by malaria.

Someone Ask You What You Are Drinking

//giphy.com/embed/l4JyX3V0yydvPHNBe

 

For some reason, there are lots of people who think Starbucks is super interesting. It is almost like they feel as though they are wandering around a Comic Con.

“Hey, what character are you today?”

At Starbucks, if your drink isn’t in the clear plastic cold container, you are a sitting duck for people looking to rifle through your personal business. It usually feels super intrusive when it happens.

“Hey, what’s in that drink?”

I usually tell them fluid and cyanide, low fat soy.”

Typically it is conversation over at this point.

Conclusion

Starbucks pretty much sucks. But for some reason, I am addicted to sitting in it all day and working. And I like the chairs. But Starbucks loitering certainly isn’t for the naive. Educate yourself on how to make sure the experience sucks a bit less.

The post How To Work Squat At Starbucks Like A Boss appeared first on Check Writing, Document Printing and Mailings.

from Check Writing, Document Printing and Mailings https://www.checkissuing.com/2017/02/07/work-squat-starbucks-like-boss/
via CheckIssuing.com

The Tortured Life Of The Southwest Airlines Passenger

Flying. Boy can it suck. But unless you are somehow able to travel thousands of miles across oceans and time zones using a really killer skateboard, you best figure out how to get along with the airline industry. Going to the airport is a similar experience to playing chess in a burning building, it is complicated and you only have so much time until you are totally screwed.

One of the most popular airlines is Southwest Airlines. And for good reason, they have lots of commercials on TV. Their commercials are energetic and fun. They make it seem as though if you fly on their planes, your airline experience will be totally different. Look, they don’t claim to remove the TSA wand from your armpits and underwear, but they do claim to offer their passengers a more, trendy, experience.

And that’s all true, until, you arrive at their boarding gate. That’s where the commercial ends and the hell-herd begins. The departing gate area of Southwest Airlines looks like a goat herding pasteur.

Why?

No assigned seats
//giphy.com/embed/fkLMpfY26W50s

 

Southwest Airlines claim to fame, no assigned seating, is also their biggest flaw. Because you have to line up to board the plane, you have tons of anxious annoying people pushing and shoving their way into assigned line spaces. On a normal airline, you get to sit down and chill and wait for them to call you boarding group. Then you enter the plane and go to your seat. Your seat is your seat. Don’t like it? Put your butt down in the seat anyways or beg an old person to switch.

On Southwest, you are stuck standing for 10 minutes prior to boarding, when you could have been sitting the entire time. Of course, you can sit in the SWA line if you so please, but expect to have some guy’s jock smashing against your face.

People also tend to disturb you because they have to ask you what number you are so they can figure out if they are ahead of you. The last thing an airport should do is give more reasons for strangers to bother one another. I’m already pissed, please don’t make it worse by encouraging some lady in sweatpants with a ginormous purse to bug me while I have on headphones and music.

Once you board the plane, the travesty continues. Everyone avoids middle seats, so once those are the only ones left, people start stalling. Some people get stuck in the back because they walk all the way to the back looking for a better seat only to get turned back upstream, which creates further gridlock. Other people are guarding middle seats, pretending someone is seated in them, because they want their middle seat left empty so they don’t have to sit by other humans. I GET IT. But it does create a mess.

If that isn’t enough, SWA is too lazy to even tag your bags.

Tagging Your Own Bags
//giphy.com/embed/3o7TKFy1gaoy1JNqZG

Yep, when you do self-checkin at SWA, you print your bag tags and have to tag your own bags. This means tons of confused people, or people that tagged them wrong (yep, this happens) forcing SWA employees to retag them. It’s a truly ugly scene. It reminds me of the Red Wedding from Game Of Thrones.

Playing games
//giphy.com/embed/oMT0GLYcWKTF6

Flying on SWA means playing games. I have no idea who told any of these stewards or stewardesses that playing games is fun, but they were sorely mistaken. I just want to put on my headphones and try to forget that I am flying. I do not want to see how far back we can get a toilet paper role to go. I always get booed when the toilet paper falls on my shoes because I refuse to participate. Um, I don’t want to touch toilet paper. Where did they get the toilet paper? Does no one ever feel the need to ask?

I’m all for fun on flights, but let’s make that fun things more centered around taking off on time and landing without the landing gear failing. That sounds fun to me.

The post The Tortured Life Of The Southwest Airlines Passenger appeared first on Check Writing, Document Printing and Mailings.

from Check Writing, Document Printing and Mailings https://www.checkissuing.com/2017/01/31/the-tortured-life-of-the-southwest-airlines-passenger/
via CheckIssuing.com

The Tortured Life Of The Southwest Airlines Passenger

Flying. Boy can it suck. But unless you are somehow able to travel thousands of miles across oceans and time zones using a really killer skateboard, you best figure out how to get along with the airline industry. Going to the airport is a similar experience to playing chess in a burning building, it is complicated and you only have so much time until you are totally screwed.

One of the most popular airlines is Southwest Airlines. And for good reason, they have lots of commercials on TV. Their commercials are energetic and fun. They make it seem as though if you fly on their planes, your airline experience will be totally different. Look, they don’t claim to remove the TSA wand from your armpits and underwear, but they do claim to offer their passengers a more, trendy, experience.

And that’s all true, until, you arrive at their boarding gate. That’s where the commercial ends and the hell-herd begins. The departing gate area of Southwest Airlines looks like a goat herding pasteur.

Why?

No assigned seats
//giphy.com/embed/fkLMpfY26W50s

 

Southwest Airlines claim to fame, no assigned seating, is also their biggest flaw. Because you have to line up to board the plane, you have tons of anxious annoying people pushing and shoving their way into assigned line spaces. On a normal airline, you get to sit down and chill and wait for them to call you boarding group. Then you enter the plane and go to your seat. Your seat is your seat. Don’t like it? Put your butt down in the seat anyways or beg an old person to switch.

On Southwest, you are stuck standing for 10 minutes prior to boarding, when you could have been sitting the entire time. Of course, you can sit in the SWA line if you so please, but expect to have some guy’s jock smashing against your face.

People also tend to disturb you because they have to ask you what number you are so they can figure out if they are ahead of you. The last thing an airport should do is give more reasons for strangers to bother one another. I’m already pissed, please don’t make it worse by encouraging some lady in sweatpants with a ginormous purse to bug me while I have on headphones and music.

Once you board the plane, the travesty continues. Everyone avoids middle seats, so once those are the only ones left, people start stalling. Some people get stuck in the back because they walk all the way to the back looking for a better seat only to get turned back upstream, which creates further gridlock. Other people are guarding middle seats, pretending someone is seated in them, because they want their middle seat left empty so they don’t have to sit by other humans. I GET IT. But it does create a mess.

If that isn’t enough, SWA is too lazy to even tag your bags.

Tagging Your Own Bags
//giphy.com/embed/3o7TKFy1gaoy1JNqZG

Yep, when you do self-checkin at SWA, you print your bag tags and have to tag your own bags. This means tons of confused people, or people that tagged them wrong (yep, this happens) forcing SWA employees to retag them. It’s a truly ugly scene. It reminds me of the Red Wedding from Game Of Thrones.

Playing games
//giphy.com/embed/oMT0GLYcWKTF6

Flying on SWA means playing games. I have no idea who told any of these stewards or stewardesses that playing games is fun, but they were sorely mistaken. I just want to put on my headphones and try to forget that I am flying. I do not want to see how far back we can get a toilet paper role to go. I always get booed when the toilet paper falls on my shoes because I refuse to participate. Um, I don’t want to touch toilet paper. Where did they get the toilet paper? Does no one ever feel the need to ask?

I’m all for fun on flights, but let’s make that fun things more centered around taking off on time and landing without the landing gear failing. That sounds fun to me.

The post The Tortured Life Of The Southwest Airlines Passenger appeared first on Check Writing, Document Printing and Mailings.

from Check Writing, Document Printing and Mailings https://www.checkissuing.com/2017/01/31/the-tortured-life-of-the-southwest-airlines-passenger/
via CheckIssuing.com

Five Annoying Starbucks People

Originally post on: checkissuing.com

I happen to love working from Starbucks. The green awnings, the smell of South American beans that have been soaked in river water, the sounds of blenders changing the chemistry of dairy. It’s a great place to muse and to write. I’m a writer, so I love the people watching that helps me cope with […]

Originally post on: http://checkissuing.com/category/check-issuing-blog/

from CheckIssuing and Printing Services – Feed http://checkissuing.com/2017/01/five-annoying-starbucks-people/
via https://checkissuing.com/

Five Annoying Starbucks People

I happen to love working from Starbucks. The green awnings, the smell of South American beans that have been soaked in river water, the sounds of blenders changing the chemistry of dairy. It’s a great place to muse and to write. I’m a writer, so I love the people watching that helps me cope with long articles. I think of other people the same way as I think of violent predator animals: they are fun to watch, but distance is important. Like, super important.

And sitting at Starbucks isn’t without risks. Here are some people and situations at Starbucks and my advice on how to handle them without dying.

Someone Ask You What You Are Drinking

//giphy.com/embed/12kUmcu84SN5U4

 

For some reason, there are lots of people who think Starbucks is super interesting. It is almost like they feel as though they are wandering around a Comic Con.

“Hey, what character are you today?”

At Starbucks, if your drink isn’t in the clear plastic cold container, you are a sitting duck for people looking to rifle through your personal business. It usually feels super intrusive when it happens.

“Hey, what’s in that drink?”

I usually tell them fluid and cyanide, low-fat soy.”

Typically it is conversation over at this point.

You Sit By A Sneezer

//giphy.com/embed/1voZkInJb9XY4

 

Germs are pretty much a side-dish at Starbucks. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve sat down for some old fashioned productivity only to have some person start sneezing up a storm. My first instinct is to hand them a tissue, ask them if they are OK, and then mace them. The problem with that is, however, it’s illegal (the mace, not the tissue – tissue is legal).

The solution here is to either live, or choose death by malaria.

You Need An Outlet

//giphy.com/embed/wAVS9sG9Z4uD6

Power is everything if you intend upon working from Starbucks. A few hours in and all your technology will fail without Benjamin Franklin’s juice surging. Most Starbucks have a few positions which offer power. If you are in a new Starbucks, they tend to have power outlets all over. If you are in an old one, you might be SOL.

Most commonly, a Starbucks troll will be occupying a seat near a power outlet. These people are like the most inconvenient rashes mankind has ever invented. I’m kidding, these folks don’t even know they are blocking the mothership from fueling up. They have no idea why sharks are circling them while they drink a Frappucino and text mom.

The solution, and yes, you are going to hate this, is to talk to them. I know, there is nothing worse than interacting with other humans at Starbucks, but unless you want to get that low battery indicator alert on your Macbook Pro while replying to an email from China, you might want to pony up some sweet communications.

Remember, that person is going to hate you for talking to them just as well. We all pretty much hate each other. But so long as you are nice, they are likely to just want you to go away enough to move somewhere else so that you can attach back to the electrical grid and become one with society again.

You Need To Poop

//giphy.com/embed/XUH2sl8TD870k

 

MOST Starbucks, like their Keurig (K-Cups), are single user experiences. This means so long as no one else is in there, you will get a private pooping experience. Just make sure you lock the door because you don’t want to have to do the walk of shame back to your seat and pass the cute girl who thought she could get away peeing in the guy’s bathroom. Being caught with toilet paper in your hand in a squatted Yoga position is a real game changer and could forever scar you. If your Starbucks bathroom happens to allow for your cell phone signal, enjoy, life is blessed.

The WI-FI Is Super Slow

//giphy.com/embed/VTAot62nMDREk

 

Slow WI-FI means that you aren’t going to be able to be as productive as you like. It also can be infuriating when one of your unemployed friends sends you an amazing Youtube and it simply refuses to play.

Slow WI-FI at Starbucks is typically a result of too many people on the network at one time. The easiest way to solve this is to walk around and look at people’s screens and determine if they should be using Starbucks network data. If they aren’t, explain to them that they should leave immediately and go to a bagel shop. If they refuse, consider the option of unplugging their laptop, packing it up for them and helping them carry it to the door. This “could” cause violence, which is bad, so be careful.

The conclusion is, Starbucks is awesome. People are not as awesome. Enjoy your coffee, friends.

The post Five Annoying Starbucks People appeared first on CheckIssuing and Printing Services.

from CheckIssuing and Printing Services http://checkissuing.com/2017/01/five-annoying-starbucks-people/
via CheckIssuing.com